Lost trade transcriptions pt. 1 (x-post from The Timeout)

Here’s a post from my other sports blog, The Timeout! It’s a transcription of the conversation between the two teams that traded on Friday, St. Louis and Buffalo.

In this transcript, we have St. Louis Blues GM Doug Armstrong and assistant GM Kevin McDonald speaking Buffalo Sabres GM Tim Murray and his assistant Kevin Devine. 

DA: Alright. Clearly, our goaltending hasn’t been strong enough over the first three quarters of the season. Let’s trade for Ryan Miller, a goaltender that has a worse goals against average than both of our goalies have.

KM: Great idea! He’ll help us win those three extra games that we need.

ring ring ring ring

TM: Hello! You’re our 100th caller! You are now entitled to a free Steve Ott!

DA: (over to his assistant GM) Ugh. Should we take him?

KM: I suppose he couldn’t hurt…

TM: What can I do for you, Dougie?

DA: We here at the St. Louis Blues desire Ryan Miller to carry us into the playoffs. We’re willing to give you Halak straight across for him, in addition to a guaranteed first-round pick as well as a conditional one, because we know how much you guys love first-round picks.

TM: Sounds enticing.. What’s the conditional pick?

DA: How about we have to make the conference finals, and you guys are required to gather at least two more first-round picks before draft day?

TM: I like that. How about you throw in Chris Stewart too? He has a terrible contract, and you need to make room for the shiny new Steve Ott you’re about to receive!

DA: Yeah, okay. We can do that. We’ve been trying to get rid of him and that contract for a year and a half anyways. But only if you promise not to trade Chris to Ottawa.

TM: Uhh, yeah.. see we can’t promise that. Especially if they decide to give us a first-round pick for him.

DA: Okay, how about this. We send William Carrier to you as well, but you have to promise not to send Chris Stewart away to your uncle.

TM: Hmmm, we think pretty highly of Willy. It’s a deal!

DA: Great!

hangs up

TM: Hahaha, idiots. I had my fingers and toes crossed! I’m totally flipping him to Uncle B! I owe him a lot, anyways, after teaching me what it truly takes to be a GM.

KD: Nice work, Tim! But aren’t you worried..

TM: Yeah, Pat’s not going to be too happy about this one.

Stay tuned these next few days for more lost transcripts!



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