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Author Archives: kylemuzzy
You should be a sports liker part five: five
Here’s three more reasons why you should like sports. Sports are excellent and also good, so here’s three more reasons why.
14. If you like math, sports are excellent.
There’s these things called statistics, that are a huge part of sports. If you like numbers, that’s good because not that many other people like numbers, therefore there is a niche community in which you can fit in with. You can interpret numbers that other sportsers don’t want to! Everyone wins!
15. There’s sports all around you, so you can do or watch sports whenever you want!
Have you ever driven by a school and seen a weird concrete pad with posts and orange hoops attached to them? You can play basketball there! That’s what they are there for! If you travel around, chance are you will find a basketball hoop. And then, all you need is a ball and you are good to go! A basketball is recommended, but you can also use: hacky sack, a soccer ball, a ball of tape. Try it out!
16. If it wasn’t for sports, we wouldn’t have Gatorade.
Some people use Gatorade as a hangover cure (I don’t even know what that is), but most people use it for sports. If sports didn’t exist, neither would Gatorade! It’s just a fact. Plus, it’s delicious. Have you tried the new cherry flavour? It’s not as good as the red kind or the blue kind, but it’s definitely up there.
There you go! More reasons to like sports. They are good.
You should be a sports-liker part four: the fourth part
Hey. Sports are good.
I’ve so far posted 10 reasons as to why you should like sports, but just for good measure, I’ve decided to post three more.
11. Pretty much anything is a sport. If it is competitive, it is sports.
Do you like to eat? Well, there’s a sport for that. Do you like to run around in a big ball and hit other people running around in a big ball? Well, you’re in luck, buddy. There’s pretty much a sport for everyone, heck even darts is a sport! That’s crazy! You should join a sport.
12. There are these things called “beer leagues” that sometimes involve people drinking, and it can sometimes get out of hand but also fun.
Beer leagues are like recreational leagues with alcoholic beverages involved. Not convinced yet? Me neither. I’m not sure what the appeal is, but if you are a big fan of being intoxicated, sports probably make that even more enthralling.
13. If you like sports, you could be like me.
Let’s face it: I know my readers sometimes wish they were me. Being a sports guy, it’s understandable. I’m also very talented at being awkward and also really good at sitting on chairs weird. These are some talents I know that others wish they could have. But, I have good news for you! If you like sports, you can sort of be like me. This means that, ultimately, if you strike up a conversation about sports, I will be interested and therefore you can ask me how to be good at things. At the very least, we can become excellent friends.
Let me know if you’re not convinced yet. I’m pretty sure everyone is, though.
You should be a sports-liker part three: Convinced yet?
I’ve decided that, in case you aren’t convinced that sports are indeed good, I should post a couple more times about the different reasons why sports are good.
8. Sports are fun because you’re allowed to have favourites.
If you have kids, you know how difficult it is to not have a favourite. Sometimes, one is just cooler than the other. But, with sports, you’re totally allowed to have favourites! That’s the point of sports! You’re also allowed hate other teams, which, again, is probably something you shouldn’t do as a parent. You can also make fun of other people for liking terrible teams, but it is only recommended if everyone else likes the team that you like and everyone else hates the team that the person you are making fun of likes.
9. You have the ability to wear sports clothing and back yourself up.
We all know it’s cool to wear sports things. Casual Friday at the office? Time to put on my Minnesota Twins jersey! A lot of people wear baseball caps but also do not have any clue about the teams that they wear. Those people look like goofs to us sportsers. If you start to like sports, then you can become knowledgeable, and at least know a player from the team you wear. Then, you look cool in front of all the people surrounding you.
10. If you’re ever in a conversation, you can say, “how about that sports team?” and know what you’re talking about.
Let’s face it: everyone is faced with an awkward situation at least at one point in their lives. With a knowledge of sports related items, you can avoid all awkward situations as they arise! Simply say, “Well, how about them (insert local sports team here)?” This way, if they are a sportser, they will respect you immensely, and if they aren’t, well you just proved that you’re cooler than them. Don’t let it go to your head, though. I stay level-headed all the time about my sports knowledge.
You should be a sports-liker part two: the second part of a series
Since I received a bounty of support from my previous post, I’ve decided to slam my book of reasons onto the table again to pull out three more excerpts.
5. Sports make you not sit on the couch sometimes, but also there are other times where you will sit on the couch.
If you wish to play sports, you can! They make you very active and sometimes, when you’re feeling especially heavy, you may want to be active. However, you can also relax and continue sportsing as well! There’s an item sitting on your entertainment centre just waiting to be turned on, helping you ease your mind. Turn that television to sports! They aren’t ever boring, and are mostly exciting at times.
6. For girls only: you can impress the opposite sex with your extensive knowledge.
Studies have shown that over 37 per cent of all girls who do sports have friends that are guys. Pretty crazy stat when you think about it. Sure, there’s a shortage of sportsing people out there on both sides, but it is sometimes uncommon to find a woman that gets excited every time that quarterback throws the pigskin (latin for: football) to his teammate. This rule even applies to those in relationships! If you are losing your man friend’s attention because his gaze is fixed on the excitement-filled Blue Jays game, maybe you should stop and smell the jock strap.
7. For guys only: you can have your own language that some women won’t be able to understand!
Imagine being able to tell the bros about how mad your girlfriend makes you while she’s sitting right there. It’s a possibility, if you get into sports. Watch and learn:
Guy #1: Hey man, my girlfriend totally blew a save last night. (This means she really messed up!!!)
Guy #2: Really? Like a four-run lead, or just a one-run lead? (He’s gauging how bad it was)
Guy #1: Like a six-run lead in the bottom of the 14th. (That’s really bad)
Guy #2: Wow, that’s a face-first slide if I’ve ever seen one! (that sucks)
Guy #1: Baseball! (This means hell yeah, because baseball is good)
See? If I wouldn’t have told you what they were talking about, you would have had no idea. But, be wary, sports-likers, it seems like I’ve spilled the beans. You may have to move on to a different sport.
But, this works every time, I swear*.
*The writer does not condone using this to talk about secrets, as it has never truly been effective. Some girls have gone on to call him “stupid,” “arrogant,” and also say, “what, do you think girls are idiots? A lot of us watch as much sports as you do.”
Make sure you try these rules, and stay tuned for more!
You should be a sports-liker
Hey, reader.
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you are a classmate, or you are a teacher. Either way, you are forced (against your will, presumably) to read this amount of text.
My apologies.
But, today, I’m going to spend some time trying to convince you, fan of not-sports, that sports are, indeed, good.
1. Sports are super good because a lot of people like them.
Many people like sports. Some experts say (this may be a bit of an exaggeration) that there are people in over 54 countries that like sports. Countries such as the United States, North Korea, the Philippines, and even Canada have been rumoured to have sports fans. Maybe if you are part of a country that isn’t listed above, you could make history as the first sports-liker in your whole country.
2. Sports teach you valuable lessons about teamwork and scoring.
Over 35% of all sports are team events, and this means that when you play sports you will learn teamwork. Teamwork is vital in almost all workplaces, but specifically in the following job titles: plumbing, independent electrician, single dad, and Prime Minister. This is why it’s important to learn teamwork because where else are you going to learn it? Reading my blog?
Also, scoring is huge. Sports can not only teach you how to score goals, it also can teach you how to score dates with attractive boys and girls (do not take my word on this one).
3. Sports is fun to watch with your bros while you’re eating hint of lime tortilla chips.
When you and your bros are “chilling” (check out the use of that hip word), what better way to “hang” (check that one out) then to watch some “fresh” (I’m getting good at this) teams play each other? Especially during the SuperBowl, where you can eat a large amount of food but it doesn’t count toward your calorie count because it’s the SuperBowl and that’s just the rule.
4. You can be a casual fan, or you can really casual fan, or you can be a big causal fan.
The biggest good part about sports is that you can choose the amount of fanship you wish to have. Perhaps you look at your schedule and say, “wow, Tuesday is really not a good sports day for me.” Or maybe you’re like, “well, I don’t feel like sportsing this weekend.” Nobody is going to get mad at you! Whereas if there’s a weekend in which you don’t feel like hanging with your significant other for a weekend, your Tuesday will end up booked solid because you’ll be in the DOGHOUSE!
Well, I know you’re convinced, but if you’re not, please let me know and I can elaborate on more reasons why you should be a sports-liker. I literally have 57 more.
My post from my radio show, you should read it because it’s about women beating each other up.
Need I say more than the title?
Should nicknames be a thing?
Recently, I attended a roller derby game for the first time. For those unfamiliar with the sport, it’s really confusing, but one of the rules they have is that they are allowed to sport nicknames on their backs, a flexibility not known in any other major sport.
But, recently, the NBA allowed the Miami Heat and the Brooklyn Nets to play a game with the players having their nicknames on their back. King James, D-Wade, Birdman, Truth, The Big Ticket, and D-Will took to the court in what was a small triumph for nicknames in sports.
Of course, Andrei Kirilenko’s nickname, AK-47, was not allowed, for reasons that only could be summed up as the NBA being a bit timid.
This then raises a question that probably hasn’t been asked prior: are nicknames ready to take all sports by storm? Or was that a mere gimmick to sell tickets and merchandise?
I think both.
Watching games with nicknames involved invokes a feeling of a level playing field. Too often, we put these athletes on infinitely high pedestals, so it’s interesting to feel as if they are people, similarly to you. We all had nicknames growing up, so it’s only fitting to see players’ nicknames above the numbers on their jerseys.
Besides, we’ve seen how well different jerseys sell. The Bakersfield Condors of the ECHL are all too familiar with this, sporting a variety of different jerseys, including the Gettysburg Address sweaters. It’s gained them national press, striving to be different than other teams in their league.
But, there are limitations. I imagine if they were to allow whatever the player wanted on the back of their jerseys, we’d see a lot of “dangle, snipe, celly” on their backs.
Even if we didn’t, the novelty would wear off fast. Pretty soon, we’d get sick of the nicknames, just as we (somewhat) are with the players’ last names. Then, it would be totally unorthodox to have the last names on the jerseys.
I could definitely go for seeing Hallsy, Ebs, and Hoppy on their respective jerseys. If they are going to go through with it, however, they have to be a lot more lenient. If the names are valid nicknames that everyone calls the player (like AK-47), then they should be allowed.
At the end of the day, though, I would only be able to view it as a money grab, where the league would exercise all ideas and options just to take a few more dollars from their fans.
I suppose if you’re really adamant, you could just get it done yourself. But, if you have the nickname “noodles” on the back of your jersey that supports journeyman goaltender Jamie McLennan, you might get a few double takes.
Sports is a serious disease with no cure
Sports, or its scientific disease name, putthethinginthegoalitis, often has to do with one being more athlete than their opponent. It is the number one most common disease in the world, and generates the 2nd most revenue behind My Little Pony.
However, unlike your traditional disease, sports is different because it is completely harmless to you, and only harmful to your time.
Fortunately for you, reader, seemingly unaffected by the disease as of yet, the disease is not directly contagious. Studies have shown that if you touch a sports item such as a football or a diver’s cap, you are only 10 per cent more likely to have sports than others.
Some earthlings, such as yours truly, were unfortunately born into the world of sports fandom. Growing up as a sports-positive man, my choices were limited. I couldn’t like painting my nails, I couldn’t like sitting inside and playing video games all day. You could say I was, born this way.
But seriously, not even Lady Gaga can understand the sports disease. Some believe there will never be a cure.
However, science has also been studying the long-term effects of being a fan of a bad team as a gateway to being cured of sports.
A team from UCLA studied Edmonton Oiler fans who were born into liking the franchise after 1990. The results were astounding. Though unpredictable, some of the infected became cured of their sickness, refusing to be sick anymore. More and more were cured after each year of being terrible. Others’ diseases, however, proved to be more resilient.
With the Edmonton Oilers almost winning the league in 2006, that was a major setback because not only did it increase previously infected citizens’ sports disease, it also infected more people by association.
A lot of science has been pressed on this issue, though it has been tough for scientists to map out because of its unpredictability. Why do some have immunity? Why do most don’t? Is it hereditary? What can we, as a society, do to stop this madness?
I’m not sure what the answer is, but did you see the Raptors game last night?
Why I am finally watching the Raptors play
It’s finally getting exciting. CREDIT – The Star
Growing up playing basketball in high school, I loved it. Growing up and watching basketball in high school, I hated it.
So why is it, that whenever I see a Toronto Raptors game this season, that I tune in, excitedly awaiting the results?
Could it be because Drake, their “global ambassador,” inspired my love for the game?
Nah.
Could it be because I’ve simply gotten sick of hockey?
See previous posts. Nah.
Could it be because watching the Toronto Blue Jays depresses me?
That’s actually quite possible. Last season sucked. All of it. Hope it’s at least a little better this year. But, not completely the reason.
Could it be because the Raptors are winning?
DING DING DING! That’s it! For the first time in a long time, the Raptors are winning, and not just because they have a Chris Bosh.
T-Ross, DD, K-low, Amir, and Big V are all leading the team to victory in their various ways. It’s exciting to watch.
I think what’s probably most exciting about the Raptors this year is that they are finally putting themselves back on the map. I think that even with Bosh, nobody cared about Toronto and nobody wanted to go there. All of a sudden, the Raptors are talked about, they have more than one good player, and things are fun.
Not to mention their lineup includes some serious dunks. Terrence Ross and Amir Johnson can throw that ball down, and even DeRozan can from time to time. Kyle Lowry definitely can’t, (correction: he can) but hey, he’s looks like a little kid out there compared to the heights of the rest of them (even though he’s six feet tall).
The bottom line, the Raptors are good. They aren’t up there with the Heat or the Spurs or the Pacers or the Thunder, but they can make some serious noise in the playoffs for the first time in some years. In the meantime, I’m going to impatiently wait for said playoffs.
I realize that I probably don’t sound like a real sports fan, and that’s probably true. But, I didn’t say I wasn’t a fan of the teams; I guess I’m just too young to remember when those teams won, if it all.
I never thought I’d say this, but during the NBA playoffs, you might catch me watching the Raps play (when the NHL playoffs are on commercial, of course).
Muzyka. 